Takes a deep breath and composes herself, then grins, so as not to risk too much seriousness.....   <<  eh hem >>

I just wanted to let you all know, especially those wondrously kind souls who've supported me in this mega-gestation period one way or another (if you think that might be you - it is!)
that my new website promoting all things Body Harmony has finally been born


YAY !!!      Gurubody.net    because we each got our own guru right here - we're looking out of it's eye holes for heaven's sake!

AND

If I ever manage to get myself off the startline, and read and digest the immense amount of info there seems to be to get started with, there will even be a blog :) 

(Sandra - got room for those saboteurs for a long weekend again??)

<<  eh hem  >>  bows.     shuffles.        grins again.

leaves.

Behind the screen of wit and humour.  Wrapped in the arms of giggles, snorts and full on belly laughs.

Sometimes hiding's a smart survival trick so why not make it fun?

In other moments, there are other options which I don't always pick first time around. But I am learning ;)

Just one? Really?  ONE ??!

Ok... here goes....

EMBODYING   

big breath, yeah. Feels good :-D 

The answer must be myself, though that brings an enormous hesitancy when it comes to writing it.  Haven't I just been saying of late, how much I've finally begun to love myself? And doesn't that feel soooo good to say and know it holds so much truth?!

Ah, but wait. Did I say 'begun'?
Begun to love myself.    There you go then.....  enter, stage left, hesitancy in all its wisdom.

Yes, so it would be all those lost, forgotten and fragmented bits of myself which I still don't fancy loving.
Particularly when I witness them 'out there' taking form in some 'other' one. Spanish drivers come to mind, which would have to include me of course - ole! And bad mothers, sheesh I can figure in there too. Oh, yeah, and my uber talented ex who can't sort his life out and support his many kids - hmm.. today's to-do list: 1. love slow-moving fearty self who still wont begin for fear of failure....

To continue the vaguely theatrical them: 'Once more unto the breach, dear friends!' Particularly you fragmented lot       ;) 

All the forgotten, fragmented and abandoned parts of myself.

I don't have to understand them all, but I know that finding some of them again will ask for my understanding. 

If I can catch myself before I'm speeding away from it at warp gazillion grinning inanely and bursting into sporadic giggles....
I centre and breathe into the sensations it's made up of. I let the breath gently expand the places where the individual layers of tissue emotion have got snarled up with each other. As the breath edges slowly in, lapping through the tight places and freeing up their innate urge to jive with their cosmic song-of-the-moment, the inhales expand and exhales extend.
Usually, if I get to the kernel of it all, the energy's dancing in a way that feels a lot like excitement. Specially when it's basking in pure presence....  Yeeha!

The trick, of course, is in the catching of myself :)  

I usually aim to waken before the rest of the family and be simply present with my self in whatever format feels appropriate, though usually I 'sit', often with a cat in my lap.

Last night I finished listening to a recording of a teleclass I'm taking part in where the teacher, Ellias Lonsdale, spoke of letting attentive presence take up the foreground of awareness in the day-to-day without judgement or criticism of all the other voices/thoughts which tend also to appear.
So this morning, while the cat warmed my sub-zero frozen fingers (can you tell they're still numb on the keyboard?!) I watched as the thoughts ebbed and flowed into the foreground and back again, and bathed deeply in that other presence.. I'm sure someone like Shameslaya will have a term for this activity..... 

At night, I like to dip back in to this pool of self (if that's what it is) just before I sleep. It makes my dreams more fruitful and the sleep more restful. 
On a super-calm day, I do it at red stop lights or the kitchen sink too!

Oh man there is this amazing feisty sweet woman I know who kicks ass with her life, carving out a pathway that no one else seems to see till she walks it, and wondering where she's going all the while, but knows that the birds will sing when there's cloud, sun or not, and there'll be coffee waiting when she gets there, wherever that is. And even if she wonders from time to time if she's gonna be on time, and now and again gets a flutter of fluster bout that, and if there's a gemini moon in the sky and it all gets writ a bit large for while, it doesn't matter.. day follows night. Wood gets chopped n the water's where it's wanted.

Every now and then I catch a glimpse of her out the corner of my eye. 
Or I think I might have...  

grumpy, sad, limitless

My brother is currently beginning the final year of a 4 year Tibetan Buddhist retreat... although he's only on the island of Arran in Scotland, which isn't SO far away.. he might as well be on the moon really. We can communicate every month by post, a short postcard length letter, which he has taken to heart, literally, he sends the whole family (our parents, my sons and me) one postcard between us. It doesn't tell us much.. though my mum tries to extract meaning from five lines! 
It's been a pretty tumultuous three years, with the break-up of our nuclear family and a rough divorce.. sometimes I feel like I could really have done with the support of his presence, and at other times I recognise that we have very different ways of working through things, and maybe we got to avoid disappointment and unsuccessful communication - though I don't really believe that!
I respect his decision to do this retreat, and his feeling that it will be of benefit, but goddam enough already!  I want my brother back!!!!