Before
Posted on Mar 10th, 2008
by 
Lynx
Lynx
I have a court appearance to do tomorrow. In Spanish - socorro!
Today it is still before......
Before.
'Keep focused and grounded to prepare meeting your husband.' he said.
'Your boys are what matters most, and he should see this,
eventually.
They are the future.'
Indeed.
There is so much stillnes in this day
Peacefulness and silence amongst the birdsong and rising wind.
The soup settles into digestion giving strength
Prepared in the hearth of home.
A gift He knows but doesn't seem to understand
and certainly not to appreciate.
The value of it
The essence of it.
How essential it is.
On an outbreath back into the centredness of knowing
She supports me
Gaia
Home and hearth.
The urge to remain apart rises up again.
I do not want to enter into this game of duality
You pull
I pull
You tug
And I have no choice......
I struggle on
Because They are in between us now.
Calvin's mother said she'd wanted a dog!
(Hobbes grinned his tiger grin.)
I might have been the same
But not now...
Not no way!
The eldest asked last night 'What changed you the most in your life?'
Well motherhood of course
You can read that in Gaia too...
Cracked the unwilling untrusting heart right open there and then.
No choice, no moment to consider, nothing
Just wide open and bleeding gently from there on in.
El Corazón Sagrado.
Blessed be that motherhood should have come, to me.
And now parenting
alone.
It takes an adult to parent.
At least from the adult parts, I struggle on.
Flying some days
crashing down the downdrafts on others.
In the splendid moments of certainty
When She and I are one
Aphrodites daughter I stand
prepared.
And so I will tomorrow
Though he may see me more as Kali
quietly destroying maya in a torrent flood of truths.
What will be will be....
Today I pray to Maat
that my heart weighs lighter than a feather
to protect my brood of two.
Today it is still before......
Before.
'Keep focused and grounded to prepare meeting your husband.' he said.
'Your boys are what matters most, and he should see this,
eventually.
They are the future.'
Indeed.
There is so much stillnes in this day
Peacefulness and silence amongst the birdsong and rising wind.
The soup settles into digestion giving strength
Prepared in the hearth of home.
A gift He knows but doesn't seem to understand
and certainly not to appreciate.
The value of it
The essence of it.
How essential it is.
On an outbreath back into the centredness of knowing
She supports me
Gaia
Home and hearth.
The urge to remain apart rises up again.
I do not want to enter into this game of duality
You pull
I pull
You tug
And I have no choice......
I struggle on
Because They are in between us now.
Calvin's mother said she'd wanted a dog!
(Hobbes grinned his tiger grin.)
I might have been the same
But not now...
Not no way!
The eldest asked last night 'What changed you the most in your life?'
Well motherhood of course
You can read that in Gaia too...
Cracked the unwilling untrusting heart right open there and then.
No choice, no moment to consider, nothing
Just wide open and bleeding gently from there on in.
El Corazón Sagrado.
Blessed be that motherhood should have come, to me.
And now parenting
alone.
It takes an adult to parent.
At least from the adult parts, I struggle on.
Flying some days
crashing down the downdrafts on others.
In the splendid moments of certainty
When She and I are one
Aphrodites daughter I stand
prepared.
And so I will tomorrow
Though he may see me more as Kali
quietly destroying maya in a torrent flood of truths.
What will be will be....
Today I pray to Maat
that my heart weighs lighter than a feather
to protect my brood of two.
Access: Public
QaR
August 2008 
good luck!. Stay calm and grounded, just like the good mother you undoubtably are. Best wishes from far away.
I don't really have words for the immensity of what you're facing, but how you've expressed yourself here as Mother is quite beautiful and really touched me.
A mother's love is an amazingly powerful thing. Believe in you. Believe in the great Goddess, the Great Mother, in you. Our prayers are joined to yours. All will be well.
Thank you all from the depths of my being. It meant a lot to know even my cyber buddies were ‘there’.
Ubelievably ‘He’ did a no-show. Had ‘the runs’ and a sick note apparently. Will not stand him in good stead.. delay is a default defence of his.
Astrologically my story is one of patience, constancy and aguantando with this story .. until April 17th in this case.
I had hoped to take space to write an ‘After’ today.. it looks like there will be a ‘During’ before I get to write it!!
You express all this so beautifully and poignantly …it took me back 30 something years when I was going through the same thing. All is well and all will be well my friend.
Thankyou Helen. I like the idea of looking back 30 years to this period!
that was amazing to read. you have such strength. you are right about being a mother. my two boys are everything to me. ” on an outbreath back into the centredness of knowing”i like that, jen
thanks jen.. getting a good workout with all of this story.. piling on the strength x
All of Gaia and Gaia's Daughters, your Sisters are here with you…
I send you my Love…I see you have plenty of Strength!!!!
Above all, that is what we come away from these experiences with…seeing the Power of our own Strength ;-)
~Roarrrr! :-D